Latest Clothes Shopping Nightmare

Clothes shopping leaves me stone cold.  I have successfully avoided it for years. 

This can be done 2 ways.  First,  you wear the same three rotating outfits to work for both summer and winter.  Second, you get out a tape measure and with Google’s assitance, work out where to correctly  measure around your extremities.  Armed with this information, you choose your wardrobe from Ebay.

The last time I did this, I inadvertantly purchased 3 mini muumuus from a Vietnam.  From which I learned that I am quite a bit taller than your average Vietnamese lady and I must have been using the wrong measuring units.

On Saturday I decided it was high time I venture out to find a new outfit at a non-virtual store.  

After browsing for an hour and not seeing anything that would suit, I stumbled innocently into Over-eager Rookie Salesman’s sights.  Our interaction went thusly:

‘Hello, dahling, can I help you with anything?’

‘Um, yes, I am looking for a tunic dress that I can wear a long sleeved shirt under.’

‘ Ah, I see…… Well, ok.  First, I guess you  are aware that you are generous in the bust area as well as the hip department.  So lets have a look over here for something that will compliment your shape.’

I, now wanting to punch him in his smiley face, follow him meekly to a set of garish dresses which were probably designed to hide generosity such as I was cursed with; clutching my sweater around all my generousness to hide it from the world.

The dresses he points out are sooo not me.  Way to busy, way to bright.

I spot a plain black tunic in the corner shining like an oasis in the desert.

The sizes it comes in are XS, S, M, L and XL.  Because of my ‘generous’ proportions, I automatically reach to the back end of the rack to  pull out a size L.  He stops me.

‘Dahling, what size are you in numbers in other shops?’

‘Size 10’

‘Alright, you need to take an XS.’

In the changing room, I put on the dress which is actually swimming on me and it dawns on me that this is actually a plus-size clothing store.  He is hovering outside and now makes as if to pull back the curtain and come in, so  I press the curtains tight against the wall and call out that it is WAY too big. 
He yells back: ‘Hold on, I’m fetching you a big belt as an accessory.  It will go nicely with your shoes.  Did I say how much I love your shoes?’

 

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