We were on the road to West Monroe by 7:30 in the morning so we got to see a very pretty version of the Dallas skyline.
Our breakfast stop was the Tyler Walmart. Is this the famous Walmart that Linda Burklin shops at? I was very disappointed with my soggy, wilted-lettuce chicken wrap. It may have put a halt to my ‘sammitch’ obsession…..
We had planned to have lunch at Willie’s Diner in West Monroe, but when we got there it was an empty building with Willie’s Diner over it but absolutely empty.
We were already short of time as we wanted to go to Duck Commander before it closed. When there was a half hour wait to get into Cracker Barrel, I knew we had to get a quick eat. Arby’s had been recommended to us so we tried there.
It was nothing to write home about but I was excited for my iced tea refill. I put the tea in and then went for the ice, and somehow the ENTIRE cup of ice tea tipped firward, splashing all of it contents out over me and all over the floor. I was mortified. There was nothing I could even begin to sop up that amount of liquid with. I notified the people at the counter, then went to the bathroom to try to get paper towel, but it was occupied. Meanwhile people were stepping in my iced tea puddle and I imagined someone falling over it then suing me.
Finally someone came out with a mop.
I had nearly dried off by the time we got to Duck Commander. The shop was closed but the tour was available.
The tour was actually really good, gave a great background and history to the show. We got to put together a duck call as well which we enjoyed.
We checked into our Motel 6. These guys were nice but somehow via Booking.com they had us don as having 6 rooms!!!! Bizarre! And we had to pay cash as their card machine was down.
The WiFi at this place was woeful, as in zero WiFi. I went back 3 times to get different codes and numbers; the lady came over to our rims, no help at all. When I went back the third time, there was a line of people asking about the non-existent WiFi.
We left Kara to rest and drove to the church that the Duck Dynasty crew attend on a Sunday morning to check out the 5 pm service.
When we pulled in, the church billboard only sHowes morning services- no mention of a 5 pm service.
We popped out heads in though and sure enough, there was a meeting going on.
We snuck into the back pew. BExudes is, the next youngest person there after us would have been 60.
We walked into a long verbal list of contraction illnesses that needed prayer.
We sang all the hymns without any musical accompaniment, then the guy leading the service called another guy up and without warning their normal conversation became a random skit between two shepherds In Bethlehem seeing a star. It bore no relevance to anything either before or after it took place. It was at about this stage that the dreaded ‘giggle explosions’ hit me. It didn’t help that Bodie on my right was also fighting them. I do not know why exactly, but it felt like we had entered a parallel dimension. My ‘giggle explosion’ successfully passed as a coughing fit and I was back to normal (ish).
The man selecting the ‘lesson’ was called up and he helf up 2 manilla folders labeled #1 and #2. ‘ I prepared 2 lessons, which one do you want?’
The keen old lady up the front, who’d been nodding her head enthusiastically at everything that had transpired so far, called out ‘do ‘em both!’
I sent up a silent prayer of ‘please don’t let him do both’ .
Turned out the joke was on us. Folder #1 had nothing in it, Folder #2 had a Lowe’s catalogue in in and with a great flourish our lesson giver pulled out a THIRD folder!
One point he really did want to make was that as a kid, he thought that these folders were actually called Vanilla folders.
Thankfully once he got down to the nitty gritty, he was pretty good.
The welcome we all received after the service was like a big warm hug. Poor old Zac lucked out, getting stuck with the lady who kept warming him about the pedophiles at Disney World.
We rescued him and dripped past Walmart to have a ‘who-can-get-the-cheapest-dinner’ competition. We all won really.
Back at Motel 6, I heated my food in the foyer microwave and the lady at the front counter gave me a plastic knife to eat it with.
Just as I was getting ready to leave, a huge man walked in.
When the lady pointed at the sign proclaiming that the card reader was down, so cash only, he said ‘Fix it then!’
‘It been down 2 and a half weeks, how I gonna fix it?’ she replied.
‘Well I am here 2 days, I will pay when it’s fixed’, he growled.
‘You can’t stay if you ain’t paid,’ she stood her ground.
He swiveled around and walked away.
‘Hold on’, she called. ‘ You leaving? So I can cancel your room?’
‘No, I am calling Booking.com so they can sort out the machine’ he hollared back as the door slammed closed behind him.